How To Watch or Download for free Online 2016

Is it true that you are attached to watching motion pictures throughout the day? Do you regularly get into the propensity for downloading free motion pictures on the web? On the off chance that you are both, then you may tingle to know where you can locate the most recent films which are allowed to download on the web. While there are a lot of free motion picture download locales out there, there are no less than a couple of them which can offer you films on superior quality with a significantly snappier download speed.

Where to watch HD motion pictures on the web.

With a fast web available to you can download motion pictures free online from these destinations. In case you’re pondering where to download films for nothing, then observe these 4 best motion pictures free download destinations for you:

1.Moviesonlineusa | Watch movies online free

In case you’re searching for a free motion picture download website which is accessible in various dialect forms, then you ought to consider moviesonlineusa It’s just a standout amongst the most prevalent sites where you can watch films on the web, also you can download them too. Browse many astounding and top quality films and TV demonstrates in view of your inclinations. You can even watch the first, uncut, and even uncensored form of your favored motion picture!

comes in three dialects specifically English, Portuguese, and Spanish. You can even have the application from Google Play Store and Apple Pay Store, in this manner permitting you to watch films for nothing from your Android and Apple gadgets also.

2. MyDownloadTube | Watch Movie and Download  PC Games

MyDownloadTube is viewed as the main site for downloading Hollywood films for nothing. You can even download most mainstream diversions for nothing too. The webpage was deliberately intended for permitting its guests to watch the most recent films online for nothing and in top quality. Obviously, you can download films for nothing online and is done in a speedy and simple way, without the vicinity of those irritating advertisements and even enlistment. Among the primary components of MyDownloadTube incorporate viewing the most recent accumulation of HD films, watching motion picture trailers, web gushing, and even motion picture and diversion download. 

Dating Questions for Successful Relationships

Dating questions can be used for a variety of purposes. One of the most valuable is to use questions to determine the character of the person you’re dating. They can be used to learn about your compatibility in specific areas. Questions can be used to increase your intimacy and romance. They can be used to enhance your dating experiences. And dating questions can be used to improve your relationship.

There is little for you to gain by telling your date everything about yourself. Much more can be gained by being a good questioner, listener, and observer. To get the most benefit, do not split your attention between what they are saying and what you are thinking. You’ll miss too much. There will be plenty of time for evaluation later. Actually, your subconscious mind will do the evaluation and give you an answer via your intuition, or gut feelings. To learn about how to use your intuition, read this article entitled, “Intuition – How to Access, Recognize, & Trust It.”

Human resource professionals use strategic questions to get people to talk about themselves in a way where they unwittingly reveal key aspects of their character. Questions like these, used in a date setting, can also be revealing as well as lead to stimulating conversation. You can keep them from sounding like interview questions by presenting them playfully in a game-like way. Also, talk about the dating questions with the understanding that you will answer each of them yourself.

Here are 80 Dating Questions

To Learn the Basics

  • Where did you grow up?
  • Do you have any brothers or sisters?
  • Where did you go to high school?
  • Where did you go to college?
  • What was your major in college?
  • What are your favorite sports?
  • What sort of work do you do?

To Reveal Character

  • Which three (3) famous people do you admire most?
  • Which three (3) famous people do you NOT respect?
  • Which three (3) famous people do you think are most like you?
  • Which three (3) famous people would you most want to be like?
  • Which three (3) famous people do you most NOT want to be like?
  • What personal values and principles are the most important to you?
  • What friendship values and principles are the most important to you?
  • What marriage values and principles are the most important to you?
  • What community values and principles are the most important to you?
  • What world values and principles are the most important to you?
  • Using single words or phrases, how would you describe yourself?
  • Where do you see yourself in five (5) years to 10 years?

To Discover Similarities

  • What are your favorite websites?
  • What are your favorite television shows?
  • What are your favorite movies?
  • What kinds of music do you like?
  • Who are your favorite bands?
  • Who are your favorite singers?
  • What kind of magazines do you read?
  • What type of books do you read?
  • What is your favorite food?
  • What is your favorite dessert?
  • What is your favorite snack?

To Determine Compatibility

  • What is your favorite way to spend an evening during your workweek?
  • What is your favorite way to spend an evening during your days off from work?
  • What are your favorite ways to spend a vacation?
  • Is participation in family gatherings and celebrations important to you?
  • What are your spiritual beliefs and how do you practice them?

Note: The goal of the next four (4) questions is to determine if they are into health and fitness.

  • Do you look at the nutritional information on food labels as you shop?
  • Do you take vitamin supplements?
  • What kind of exercise or sports activity do you like to do?
  • Are you a member of a gym or health club? Or do you have equipment at home?
  • Do you look at price tags when you shop? Or do you just get what you want and not worry about the price or getting a deal? Note: The goal of this question is to determine if they are fugal or spendthrifts. This issue breaks up more couples that any other.
  • If you could afford any car, which one would your buy? Note: The goal of this question is to confirm whether they are truly fugal or spendthrifts. The answer to this question also indicates their position on energy efficiency and environmental issues.
  • How would you describe the perfect house including the decor, furnishings, appliances, and landscaping? Note: The answers to this question indicate their position on interior design, money management, energy efficiency, and environmental issues.
  • Is punctuality important to you or are you usually a little late?
  • Do you like everything to be well planned and organized or are you more casual?
  • Do set short and long-term goals for yourself?
  • What is the formula for good communication in a romantic relationship?
  • What do you see as the best way for a couple to resolve conflicts?
  • How would you describe your needs for affection in a relationship?
  • How would you describe your needs for sex in a relationship?

To Create Intimacy

  • What is your greatest achievement?
  • What is your greatest disappointment?
  • What is your best attribute?
  • What is your worst attribute?
  • If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
  • What is your greatest passion?
  • What do you enjoy doing the most?
  • What are your top three (3) most important dreams?
  • Would you create a list of 10 things that best describes me using single words or phrases, if I do the same for you? Note: It is recommended that you give yourselves several days to work on the list before you meet to exchange or present them. This will give you time to come up with a meaningful list and develop some tantalizing anticipation! Both steps provide a great opportunity for you to learn about yourself and the person you’re dating.

To Inspire Romance

  • What are your favorite songs for love and romance?
  • What are your favorite men’s/women’s colognes/perfumes for love and romance?
  • What are your favorite scents for love and romance? Note: This would include scents from a fireplace, incense, scented candles, and pheromones. Pheromones are natural chemical scents the body produces to attract others.
  • What are your favorite foods for love and romance?
  • What are your favorite places for love and romance? Note: This would include places such as a particular beach, lake, park, restaurant, nightclub, hotel, mountain cabin, or room within your home.
  • Would you describe your perfect love affair from the beginning to making a commitment to each other, if I do the same?
  • Would you describe your perfect romantic evening, if I do the same? Note: It is recommended that you write this description and then exchange, read, or talk about it during your next date. Be sure to give yourselves several days so that you can come up with a thorough description. This activity will give you insights into your romantic future and the secrets to pleasing them.

To Increase Your Dating Fun

  • What are the top three (3) places you would like to go together?
  • What are the top three (3) famous places you would like to see together?
  • What are the top three (3) amusement parks you would like to enjoy together?
  • What are the top three (3) concerts, plays, or musicals you would like to see together?
  • What annual community events would you like to attend together?
  • What annual family events would you like to attend together?
  • Would you come up with three (3) usual ways we could spend a day or an evening together, if I do the same? Note: It is recommended that you give yourselves several days to work on this project before you meet to present your ideas. This will give you time to come up with some creative and fun activities.
  • Are there any projects or activities we can do together? Suggestions: Attend a dance class, self improvement seminar, or college course. Join a community service organization, sports club, gym, or religious group. Build a greenhouse, birdhouse, or doghouse. Plant a vegetable garden, flower garden, or rock garden.

To Enhance Your Relationship

  • Do you have any concerns that you would like to discuss with me?
  • Do you have any questions that you would like ask me?
  • Are there any needs that you have that I am not fulfilling?
  • Are there any passions that you have that I have not fully recognized?
  • Are there any areas where you need my support?
  • Are there any issues about you that I do not fully understand?
  • Are there any relationship skills that I might consider improving?
  • Are there any other areas of my life that I might consider improving?

Here is the best way to use these dating questions.

  • Write down the dating questions that have particular meaning for you.
  • Allow the dating questions you’ve selected to arise in your mind naturally during the course of your dating conversations.
  • If you are going to ask a series of questions, present the idea of doing so in a playful game-like way.
  • Tell them that you will answer these or any other questions they may have.

Use these dating questions to learn about the person you’re seeing, predict the likelihood of a successful relationship, improve your dating experiences, and refine your relationship.

Toxic Love Relationships: How to Recognize & Escape Them

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Toxic Love Relationships: How to Recognize & Escape Them

By Brad Paul

 

Defining Such a Relationship

Toxic love, unhealthy relationship, toxic relationship, and bad relationship are all different names for the same thing as I see it. Therefore, I’ll really be talking about all of them in this article, but only from the point of view of a romantic love relationship.

Toxic love is a sickness in the hearts of the participants. It is a union of unhealthy and needy individuals. It is a parasite of the human spirit. It uses another person’s weakened spirit to survive. It is an emotional cancer that destroys the healthy parts of a person until there is nothing left except an empty shell– unless its progression is stopped!

A person in a toxic love relationship can fool themselves and their partner into believing that they are protectors, givers, nurturers, or enlighteners. The condition of the relationship is one of uncertainty, anger, neediness, insecurity, and suspicion.

Once a person is deeply involved in a toxic love affair, they gradually lose the ability to recognize behavior that is unhealthy and unacceptable. They eventually lose touch with the concept of a healthy relationship.

In these relationships, each partner’s central role is either as a parasite or as a victim. However, these roles can switch periodically if an emotionally charged situation arises like a bitter argument. When this happens, a repressed sick part an individual can come shooting out like red-hot lava from an angry volcano!

The degree of sick behavior by either partner can vary. One of them may be sicker than the other. One or both of them may abuse their partner. They may abuse in different ways. Their abuse might be blatant or indiscernible. It might be unintentional or subconscious or both. Whatever the method of delivery it is equally damaging to the recipient. The sinister aspect of imperceptible abuse is that it’s difficult to identify and explain. This makes it hard to gain support from family and friends.

Any relationship that makes you feel bad is or has the capability of becoming a toxic love relationship. It doesn’t necessarily mean that one or both partners has to be psychologically ill for this to occur. Just being with a person who’s wrong for you can lead to a toxic love relationship.

Recognizing a Toxic Love Relationship

So how do you know when you’re in a toxic love relationship? During the early stages of these relationships, it’s hard to spot. If either partner has unhealthy tendencies, they usually repress them. As a person becomes more involved, especially if they are at a low point in their life, it progressively becomes more difficult to determine. This is particularly true if one or both partners are getting sicker as a result their involvement in the toxic love affair.

One of the best ways to know if you are in a toxic love relationship is to look at how you feel! Since you’ve been together do you feel better or worst about yourself and your life? When you spend time together, do you feel uplifted, relaxed, and confident or do you feel depressed, nervous, and unsure? When you’re apart, do you feel certain and at peace about your relationship or do you feel confused and anxious about it? If you feel like the second part of these comparative questions more often than not, you may be in a toxic love relationship.

Another, and perhaps more reliable, method for determining whether you are in a toxic love relationship is to tune in to what your intuition, or gut feelings, are telling you. (Intuition and gut feelings are different names for the same thing.)

Even if you grew up in a home with parents who had a sick relationship, you do know better. Certainly, you’ve known at least one couple who had a relationship that you could use as a healthy relationship model.

If you grew up with parents who fought a lot, as I did, there certainly is the inclination to fall into unhealthy relationships, but we have a choice. The best one we can make is to take 100% responsibility for our adult relationships. This means not blaming our parents or anyone else for the outcome of our relationship choices.

I have fallen into a number of toxic love relationships in my life, but I have also managed to have quite a few healthy ones as well. I can tell you one thing that I discovered from these highly contrasting experiences. There is absolutely no comparison in terms of joy, fulfillment, and productivity than when you are in a healthy relationship as opposed to a toxic one. It wasn’t until I was in an extremely healthy relationship that I understood the meaning of true love. The most profound aspect that I found, which amazed my friends, was a shift in my consciousness to being more concerned about her happiness than I was about my own. The more I gave without measure, the more I received. The point here is that one of the characteristics of a toxic love relationship is self-centeredness!

One of the most amazing things about being in a bad relationship, which I talk about in this article entitled, “Breaking Up! How to Ride the Pain to Gain,“ is how I felt about them once I broke free. It’s was almost impossible for me to figure out what I ever saw in them. While I was deeply entrenched in the turmoil of the relationship, I couldn’t see the futility of the situation. Nor could I clearly recall how I felt the last time I broke free from a similar involvement. Eventually, I did learn how to use these experiences to my advantage and I got over future break ups much easier and quicker.

Your intuition, or gut feelings, is the most reliable way for you to decide if you’re in a toxic love relationship, but you may not have access to this information right now for two reasons: (1) You have not developed the ability to tune in to and trust your intuition, or gut feelings. (2) The sickness of your relationship may have progressed to the point where you can no longer distinguish between healthy and unhealthy behavior.

If you have not developed the ability to tune in to and trust your intuition you can learn! Everybody has this capability. Have you ever had a strong feeling about a particular person or situation that turned out as you had thought? This is your intuition speaking to you. To learn more about intuition, read this article entitled, “Intuition – How to Access, Recognize, & Trust It.”

If the sickness of your relationship has progressed to the point where your mind has turned to mush, read this article entitled, “What is Love? Defined by What it Is and is Not!” It might give you clarity. It includes a list of what you will NOT feel, think, share, and experience when you’re “truly” in love. This list is a perfect description of a toxic love relationship.

Escaping a Toxic Love Relationship

So what do you do if you find yourself in a toxic love relationship? You need to find a way to separate yourself from the relationship immediately! If you cannot bare the thought of permanently ending your relationship right now, then propose to your partner with conviction that you take 30 to 90 days off under the conditions described below.

Both partners agree to…

  • Cut off all contact and communication for any reason for 30 to 90 days.
    • Reset the clock if either person violates these conditions for any reason.
  • Meet in a neutral location (park, restaurant) at the end of 30 to 90 days.
  • Write a letter to each other and present it during the meeting. (Optional)
  • Honor the wishes of either partner who wants to end the relationship at the conclusion of the meeting without any argument or repercussions.

Agreeing to meet at the end of a 30 to 90 day period will provide the sense of security that you both might need at this point. Most importantly, it will give you the space and time you need to regain your personal power. It will also give your partner a cooling off period.

There is one caveat to making this 30 to 90 day agreement. There’s a good chance that your feelings for one another will change or switch by the time you meet. For example, you may have initiated the separation but later you decide that you want to give the relationship one more try. At the time of your separation, your partner may have begged you to stay together. But when they arrive at your meeting they want to end your relationship permanently. The only thing you need to do is prepare yourself for any outcome and not have any expectations.

If you are not sure whether you should leave your partner, consider these things. In your current state, you have nothing positive to give to this or any other relationship. The same is true of your partner.

The best thing to do for yourself, and your partner, is to break away from the relationship completely or at least in the manner described above. Your goal is to put some time and physical distance between you and the relationship. This will give you the opportunity to regain your emotional equilibrium. Once you’re away from the stress and sickness of the relationship for a while you’ll begin to see it for what it truly is: toxic love, perhaps? The only person on earth who can truly decide is you!

If you feel your relationship may be salvageable, you might consider reading this article entitled, “Couples Communication without Confrontation!” Completion of the communication exercise described in the article may give you the starting point you need.

If you feel that your relationship is not worth any further investment, then I would encourage you look at this transition as an opportunity for personal growth! To support your efforts, read as much information as you can on topics related to your needs and goals. There are many good books on the recommended books page that you might consider.

What Women Want in a Man & Myths about Her Secret Desires

The following list of what women want is based on research and informal interviews. Although this information is intended for men, women may benefit from reading it as well.

What Women Want in a Man

  • A man who is confident.
  • A man who loves her.
  • A man who is romantic & does romantic things for her.
  • A man who finds her attractive.
  • A man who gives her security by committing to her.
  • A man who is a good provider for her and any children.
  • A man who is ambitious.
  • A man who has a career or is working towards one.
  • A man who takes care of his health.
  • A man who is an optimist.
  • A man with a sense of humor
  • A man who listens to her for a few minutes daily.
  • A man who respects her opinion.
  • A man who she finds attractive.
  • A man who dresses well & appropriate to occasion.
  • A man who keeps his body in shape.
  • A man who has the same values and principles as her.
  • A man who has the same vision for the future as she.
  • A man who can be loyal to her.
  • A man who can be vulnerable but strong.
  • A man who she can love forever!

Myths About What Women Want

All women want a man who is tall, muscular, and handsome. Not true. A small percentage of women must have a man with these features. Most women are more attracted to self-confidence, ambition, and intelligence than a man’s appearance.

All women want a man who is rich. Not true. A small percentage of women must have a man who is rich. The top priority of most women is to have a man who loves them. Wealth by itself is not much of an incentive for most women.

All women want a man who is well endowed. Not true. A small percentage of women must have a man like this. What the majority of women want most is a man who knows how to make mad passionate love to her. This is what gives her true satisfaction.

All women want a man with a full head of hair. Not true. There is a small percentage of women who don’t like bald or balding men. Some women like or even prefer bald men. Whether a man is bald or balding is not a top concern for most women. This is especially true if the man is not consumed by his hair loss and is generally comfortable in his own skin.

All women want a man who will take them out every weekend and buy them a lot of stuff. Not true. A small percent of women must have a man who does these things. Most women do not expect to be taken out every weekend or showered with gifts. Women’s preferences for how they want to spend their weekends vary widely.

Rules of Friendship

What are the rules of friendship? What are the guidelines for creating an enriching, productive, and long-lasting friendship? This article answers these questions and more.

A lot has been written about romantic and family relationships but very little about friendship. Why is this? Do friends play a less vital role in our lives?

Most of us approach friendship in a lackadaisical manner as if it is replaceable, temporary, or of less value than family or romantic relationships. Certainly, there is less built-in permanency in a friendship than there is with family members, a spouse, or a committed romantic relationship. But does friendship have a weaker ability to enrich and support our happiness? I would say no. I would also say this is especially true for singles. This is why the rules of friendship are particularly important for singles.

No other people in your life will understand, or sometimes even comprehend, the challenges and benefits being single than other singles. Family members and friends who have spent most of their lives married will not be able to relate to the struggles and pleasures of being single. This is why friendships with other singles is such a vital aspect to being single successfully. This is also why the rules of friendship are of such importance to being happily single. This is true whether you seeking a partner or not. You will be much more successful in creating a quality relationship with a potential life-partner if you approach it from a position of independence and “preexisting” contentment and happiness. To learn more about this area read this article entitled, ”Singlehood!”

A few quality single friends can become your family of sorts. They will be the best ones to go to for advice and encouragement on issues related to being single. They might be the ones that you prefer to spend certain holidays with because you all share a common bond and understanding. If you compare this with spending every holiday at a family member’s house full of couples, children, and you – the only single adult in attendance – an occasional alternate plan may lift your spirits. Try organizing your own holiday party with your single friends and see how much more fun you have. The ability to have fun with your friends is one of the residual benefits of following the rules of friendship.

If you consider that there are no built-in family or legal ties to support its sustainability, a friendship has certain unique attributes that other relationships do not. Here is a list of attributes that are unique to friendships as compared to family, spousal, and committed romantic relationships. These attributes are not apart of the rules of friendship.

  • Friendships can end instantly without any further responsibilities.
  • Friendships can last beyond the lifespan of family members and spouses.
  • Friendships have no stake in inheritance issues.
  • Friendships have no stake in career choices.
  • Friendships have no legal, social, or monetary obligations that ties them together.
  • Friendships are only bound by common interests, shared values, mutual respect, and love.

Rather that present the rules of friendship from the perspective of what a friend should do or be for you, I am going to describe your responsibilities. Since, based on the Law of Attraction, you draw to you and create the type of friendships that you expect and conceive in your mind, it only makes sense to focus on you. Here are the rules of friendship.

Rules of Friendship

  • Remain equally loyal in good & bad times.
  • Respect the person not the position, title, or assets.
  • Always do what you say you will do.
  • Never talk bad about a friend to others.
  • Keep their secrets a secret. No exceptions!
  • Always be an optimist, never a naysayer.
  • Always be honest, but never critical.
  • Always value and appreciate your friends.
  • Always be grateful for your friends. Never take them for granted.
  • Always focus on what you appreciate about them, not on what you dislike.
  • Consider their point-of-view before trying to get them to see yours.
  • Never expect anything. Give what you want to receive first.
  • Help without expecting a return favor, but do not do it unconsciously.
  • Take a stand in your friendships. Be who you are.
  • Do not allow your friends to persuade you to do things that you know are not in your best interest.
  • Do not allow your friends to persuade you to violate your morals and principles.
  • Do not try to change your friends. Accept them as they are.
  • Do not criticize, critique, or condemn your friends.
  • Graciously, but firmly, teach your friends how to treat you.
  • Maintain your friendships with periodic quality communication by email, phone, and in-person.
  • Strengthen your friendships by sharing fun, challenging, and intellectual experiences.
  • Let them know how much you value their friendship.
  • If you love a friend, have the courage to tell them. This applies to both women and men.

20 Dating Tips for Women

The following 21 dating tips for women are based on research, informal interviews, and personal experience. Most of them are exclusive to women and not applicable for use by men, although they may benefit by reading them. The same is true of the ones for men; women may benefit by reading them as well.

1. Games will never get you what you truly want. If you want a quality relationship, be a quality partner by being honest, sincere, and genuine. These women and men always end up with the best relationships. Those who have bought into Hollywood’s formula for getting what you want through tricks and schemes usually end up like the “actors” themselves: divorced and broken hearted.

2. Accept nothing less than advanced plans and full attentiveness. If he is not giving you enough advanced notice when he asks you for a date, or he has no plans when he picks you up, or he’s not attentive during your dates, move on! If he’s doing any of these things he has little interested in you. Don’t waste your time! You deserve more. If you don’t feel you deserve more than you should not be dating until you’ve taken the necessary actions to feel worthy.

3. Two week acid test. If you haven’t heard from him within two (2) weeks after your last date, move on! Don’t allow yourself to take it personally, even if you had a great time! Don’t waste your time trying to figure it out. Just get yourself back out there!

4. Proportional courtesy. Order food, drinks, and anything else in an amount equal to what he orders. Men really appreciate this. Many men believe that a woman’s behavior in these situations is a reflection of her character.

5. Demonstrate appreciation. Eat, drink, use, and wear what he buys for you. Men really appreciate this as well. Shopping for women’s things is very difficult for most men. When you soothe their shaky confidence in this area by using or wearing something they bought for you it’s truly a delightful event for most men.

6. All money matters. Show your appreciation for the money he spends on you regardless of the amount. You never know what his financial situation might be. You’ll have a better time and you’ll be viewed in a more positive light if you have no expectations about how much a man SHOULD spend on you.

7. Giving merry-go-round. Reciprocate for things that the man has purchased for you by doing something special for him periodically. Even a dinner at home or a small gift “of interest to him” would be appreciated.

8. Ex talk contaminates dates. Do not talk about an ex boy friend, ex husband, or any former love interest of any kind ever! There may be an appropriate time in the future for such a conversation, but it serves no useful purpose during the early stages of dating.

9. Save your life story for your autobiography. Don’t tell him your whole life story right away. Prolong the mystery. In fact, always try to maintain some degree of anonymity in some area of your personality or life, as it naturally provokes more excitement. Mystery is a mental aphrodisiac!

10. Being yourself is your best act. Don’t try to impress your date with the people you know, places you’ve been, or your body measurements. Using these things to win man over will only attract those with superficial intentions. Win them over by showing them the qualities you have inside by simply being yourself.

11. Keep your eyes pretty. Do not check out other men. Even when done on the sly many men will pick it up. Loyalty is one of the most important qualities that men look for in a woman. If he sees you looking at other men, he will start to question your ability to be loyal.

12. Comments don’t justify. Do not comment on the good looks of another man OR woman regardless whether it is in-person, on a screen, or in a magazine. These comments don’t explain your gawking to a man. They just further complicate the issue of loyalty.

13. Trust your intuition. Do not continue to date a man if you know he’s not right for you. Don’t keep him around until you find someone better. That’s not fair to him or you. Don’t waste your time. Do what’s right. Have the courage to move on!

14. Always look your best. Try to look your best and wear what is appropriate regardless of the occasion or activity. Don’t get lazy, ever!

15. Keep his head turning to look at you! Find out what he likes you to wear. To learn about everything he likes, you’ll need to ask him for specific details. Men have strong visual needs. There is no getting around this fact. This doesn’t mean short skirts and a lot of makeup for all men. For example, some men love to see a woman in nice fitting jeans and a minimal amount of makeup.

16. Show it if you feel it. Show your excitement to see him when he comes to pick you up if you sincerely feel that way. This will establish a heartwarming tradition that he’ll love.

17. The ultimate dating tip! Do not have sex with him on the first date. In fact, don’t have sex with him until YOU are ready. During the heat of the moment, men will say things to get sex that they believe are true then, but later when their head clears they often feel completely different.

The most important secret that a woman needs to know is that when you have sex with a man on the first date it establishes doubt in a man’s mind about your ability to be faithful. It also does nothing to establish any respect. If you resist him, he will respect you for it. The more you resist him the more he will respect you. If he is truly interested in you he will want you more and he will wait patiently until you are ready. If he doesn’t wait he was not very interested in you, therefore he’s not worth your time.

If you want to have the BEST lovemaking experience of your life, become best friends FIRST and then make love. I assure you, it is worth the wait!

18. Haste makes waste. Do not rush any aspect of the relationship building process. Resist the temptation to create instant closeness. No one likes to be pressured to feel a certain way. Allow the relationship to build naturally. If you rush it, you’ll get unnatural results. If you’re patient, it can become what you want.

19. Men are like lions. They don’t get too excited or aroused unless they have to chase after a lioness a bit. If the lioness is too tricky or runs too fast, however, the lion will just give up.

20. Trickery is a deception of self. Do not resort to any tricks or manipulation to get a man to commit to you. Pretending that another man is interested in you, faking a pregnancy, or actually getting yourself pregnant always leads to disaster. A relationship built on deception can never flourish.

dating tips for the feminist man

Dating Tips for the Feminist Man
Dating Tips for the Feminist Man

This post is in honour of male feminists and their dating rituals.

You’re a straight monogamous cismale who identifies as a leftie. Maybe you’re a Marxist or a socialist; maybe you’re an anarchist. You respect women. You would never act like a player. You fall in love with strong, smart, feminist women. You believe that our movements are stronger if they include everyone.

This is not the 1950s; if you’re committed to social justice but you are still marching along using ‘the rules’ http://therulesbook.com/ to govern dating, it’s time to consider the connection between your politics and your personal life. Social justice is intersectional; we can’t just fix our economic relationships without fixing our personal and cultural ones.

So identifying as a male feminist is a tricky line to walk. It’s important that men use the term. But keep in mind that you’ll get kudos just for taking on the term as your own; it may even help you gain trust extra-quickly with women you’re dating.

Want to be worthy of that trust? Practice your skill at meaningful consent. Here’s how, in a tidy list.

You’re a straight monogamous cisgendered feminist man,and you want to hook up with or date women? OK.

Here’s the deal:

 

1. learn to recognize your own emotions. Consent requires honesty, and you can’t speak honestly about your intentions unless you know what they are.

2. Just as we teach high schoolers that ‘if you’re not ready for the possible outcomes of babies and diseases, you’re not ready for sex,’ the same is true of emotions. Sex brings up emotion. That is just the reality of choosing to engage in sexual relationships. If you’re not ready to work with the emotion to make sure everyone is ok afterwards, then you’re not ready for the sex.

If you’re the kind of person who avoids your own or other people’s emotions, then you’re not going to be able to have good consent conversations until you get more comfortable with your own and other people’s emotions. Sign up for a consent skills workshop, or several. Read books on consent and on radical conflict resolution skills. Recognize that you agreed to or initiated a romantic relationship, however short or long-lived, and so you are responsible to the other person in that relationship as well as to yourself. Nobody put a gun to your head and made you make out with this person, so own your choices and their effects. People need different things after a hookup; know your own needs and be responsive to the needs of the other person.

*Don’t* say or act like you are serious about someone, make out with them, and then avoid them. Can I say this clearly enough? If you make out with somebody, you are responsible for checking in to make sure they are ok, not just during, but also after. Discuss casual sex as casual sex, and ambiguous sex as ambiguous sex. If your initial connection seemed serious but things don’t work out the way you hoped, do the work to end on good terms with this person. You may have to have some emotions-talk first to get to a good place and clear up any miscommunications or accidental harm you caused; if so, you’re responsible not only for grudgingly going along, but for actively initiating and holding space for that conversation. Do not make it their job to ask for a conversation to get you both back to a good place together. It is your job as much as theirs. Do not run away if things get uncomfortable or you start to feel emotions that confuse you. If you need space to calm down, pick a specific near-future time in which you will come back fully present and taking a proactive role in getting back to a good place. If you are in a conflict with this person due to tangled emotions, pick a process and, if you need it, a friend to help. Remember the goal is for you both to feel ok about things, not for one of you to win and one of you to lose. If you’re uncomfortable with process, work on that instead of making it their problem.

3. In that same vein: actively invite conversations before, during, and after a hookup to check if you are on the same page and have similar ideas about what it all means. Oxytocin’s a powerful drug; when you’re hooking up and having those heady feelings, you’re both vulnerable to misreading, or seeing what you want to see. It’s up to both of you to initiate reality check conversations: “what are you expecting after this? what do you think this means? are you ok with this if it’s casual? Are you ok with this if it’s serious? Do we understand each other properly?” Those conversations are not a one-time thing, just as you can’t get one-time consent to touch somebody. Consent is continuous and has to be established through ongoing checkins. If you want to be a good male ally, get comfortable with changing emotions – yours and the other person’s, and good at talking about them as they change. Life is messy; we have to be able to move with changes as they happen. This comfort is necessary in order to be honest with the other person, and to create shared expectations so no one ends up feeling used or played.

4. if you don’t know how you feel, or you’re not sure, or you have conflicting or ambiguous or confused emotions, say that. Say “I’m not sure what this means. Do you want to continue even if I don’t know  where we’re going?” Do not tell the other person what you think they want to hear – you do not know what they want to hear. Do not say the thing that is easy for you to say, or oversimplify in order to keep them happy (and making out with you) in the moment. This kind of fuzzy communication can end up being dishonest communication.

It is ok to not know how you feel for a time, as long as you are committed to figuring out how you feel as soon as you can, and honest about your uncertainty in the meantime, so the other can make informed consent decisions.

Do not tell someone you’re serious about them or planning to follow up with them romantically if you’re actually not sure. For example: do not promise to date them again or say you will spend romantically-oriented time together again if you’re not sure whether you will. Casual sex needs to be discussed as casual so both people involved can feel respected and cared for.

If your feelings change, simply name the change. If you were interested in a possible partnership or in an ongoing relationship, and then aren’t or are less sure, and you feel bad about that, do not avoid saying so to make your life easier. Just name the emotion and be available and present to the changes in the other. Try things like this: “I felt this way when I said and did that, but things have changed, and this is how I feel now. This is why and when they changed. I feel bad that I let you down or inadvertently misled you. Are you ok, and what do you need?”

5. Don’t mix up acting ‘nice’ with being a genuinely good person. Kindness and treating people well are valuable, but politeness can be violent if it masks normalized oppression. Naming oppression, even when done gently, is not always perceived as being ‘nice’ because it pushes back at status quo ways of relating, seeing, and thinking.

When naming oppression happens as a response to naturalized harm, the anger you’re hearing is a response to actual harm that you may have enacted while thinking you were being ‘nice.’ So before you decide that you don’t have to listen because someone is breaking politeness protocols, consider whose interests those protocols protect. Don’t mix up your internal defensiveness, which can arise at having your real privilege pointed out, with the external message you are receiving. Is there trust being offered to you behind anger or critique – trust that you’re the kind of person who is open to growth and change? Notice that trust, and earn it.

6. Lest you be thinking “but sex should be fun! All this how-are-you-feeling-talk would be suuuuch a mood-killer!”: just like conversations about condoms, consent, in addition to being basic human decency, is also sexy. Cuz guess what? Trust is hot.

Lest you be thinking “but women don’t want men who talk about feelings” or “talking about how I feel is emasculating”:  not all men have to be masculine, or feel the need. But for those who do, there are ways to know yourself and offer the truth in a responsive way that are not ‘just the same’ as what ‘women’ do necessarily. Masculine energy can be deeply protective and powerful when it is accountable in these ways, where emotions are present to heal, protect, and create shelter. Knowing how to recognize and honour your own needs at the same time as those of a lover, or former lover, has got its own energy. It lets you love from a deeply grounded place. People can feel that. And fuck is it sexy.

Knowing the person you’re hooking up with has the skills and capacity (not just the intention) to stick around afterwards to make sure you’re both ok, that both your dignities and your capacity to get along will survive the hookup – or the relationship – after it ends makes for much, much better sex. And maintaining trust post-hookup builds stronger movements, because the physical and emotional intimacy shared creates a permanent bond, instead of a permanent rift.

7. Actively taking on the identity of a feminist man means you are equally responsible to do your own research and actively notice these things. Help your friends of all genders see them. Realize this is your responsibility. If you miss something, you don’t do the work yourself, and someone has to approach you with a way in which they feel you’ve been sexist or clueless, don’t make them convince you. Stretch yourself. They’ve done enough work in figuring it out, extracting the internalized programming that tells them your sexist behaviour is totally normal and that they’re just crazy, and then offering you the gift of their honesty. That shit is not easy when you’ve just been harmed by behavior normalized through dominant scripts. If someone has bothered to share this with you after they manage to figure it out? The likelihood is that they hope you’ll hear them – even if they sound defensive, scared, sad, angry, or otherwise upset when they bring this to you. Instead of challenging them to logic battles or insisting that they provide evidence, kindly recognize just how hard it is to understand and name harm one has experienced. Assume there’s some truth to what they’re saying, and take on the role of helping them articulate it better if it’s wordless or fuzzy at first. Honour the gift by listening and asking questions, and taking it upon yourself to educate yourself.

8. Notice if your tendency when called out is to bolt. Notice if your tendency when you bolt is to turn to a reaffirming other female friend and ask them to reassure you that you’re really not sexist. If your friend feels loyal to you, they’ll want to support you and they may see things your way, but they aren’t the one who experienced the problematic behaviour, so they’re not the one you should be listening to. A female friend who is not the person you dated may not know how you behaved in that dating context, and so may not be the best one to tell you whether you’ve actually acted like an unconscious douche. The nature of structural forms of oppression like sexism is also such that we all internalize the normalcy of oppressive behavior; discomfort with conflict or a desire to be the ‘good’ member of that group, or simply to be on your side because they are your friend, can also come into play. Be wary of your desire to just seek proof of your goodness, rather than actually being a good person by being open to learning about ways you can be a better ally. If you notice you want to retreat to women who praise you, take time to check that response to find out what you can learn from the women who trust you enough to tell you where you have blind spots.

9. Give up on trying to be perfect. It just gets in the way. Get used to process. You fuck up, you learn, you grow. If you want right relationships with other human beings in our shared spaces and communities, show that you walk the walk by being big about admitting mistakes quickly and rolling with them. Make amends, make it better in your actions as well as your words. That honours the trust people have given you.

10. Share the load. Consider it your responsibility to be continually self-reflexive about your actions and their effects. Don’t wait to be taught, because that puts multiple burdens on the other: to understand and name the harm that’s affecting them, and to take the risk to talk to you about it, and to find language to articulate it in a way you’ll hear. Those things all take a lot of energy and are not easy. So if someone you’re dating gets angry at you and has a hard time articulating why, check your defensiveness and listen. If you want to be a feminist, you are going to have to challenge yourself to invite having things you do, that you don’t notice, pointed out, without withdrawing or attacking or putting the burden of proof on women. Don’t try to defend yourself and say you’re ‘not sexist.’ One of the features of oppression is that it creates silence. Articulating what has happened to you is particularly difficult when you’ve born the brunt of oppression, particularly if you were raised to believe it is normal. So it is hard enough for someone experiencing the impact of your actions to figure out how to name them; if you want to be a feminist that is your job, not just hers.

11. Do you believe in solidarity and mutual aid? Do you also believe we are all just individuals? Notice the contradiction in those beliefs. Question the assumed values you may have inherited from capitalist forebears, and put them to the test of your belief in mutuality. If you are a socialist who still believes that we are all individuals who enter voluntarily into relations and can exit them without accountability, notice the contradiction. Human beings are not interchangeable, fungible entities who freely enter into contractual relations; we are interdependent and need each other to live. It is a very privileged position to be able to retreat to your individualism when you have harmed someone, rather than being in relation with them, and staying present for the change as that relation shifts out of a romantic one to something new and long-term you both are comfortable with. Your theory and your lived daily practice will line up if you notice this contradiction.

12. Which leads to the next point: if you cause harm, even by accident, and someone calls you on it, and you believe we are all mutually interdependent, ‘i need space’ is not an acceptable response. You can take space to get your head clear so you can listen and know yourself better – but that kind of space is measured in hours, or at most days. If you want ‘space’ measured in months, you’re not taking space, you’re avoiding responsibility.

Get used to being uncomfortable and learning to have loving, clear, and interconnected boundaries that honour your internal voices as well as the needs of the other humans you share this planet and this community with – that is where learning happens. So when the zombies or the bankers come for us, we won’t have to waste energy fighting each other.

13. Saying ‘sorry’ only means something if your behaviour changes. On its own it does not remedy the situation. ‘sorry’ has to come with responsiveness.

14. Similarly, don’t threaten to leave if emotions are running high. Those kinds of threats just exacerbate the situation. If you can calm your own knee-jerk tendency to avoid, and offer a grounded listening presence instead that honours your own emotions and those of the other person, you’ll find that foundation reduces the intensity of the emotions coming at you quite a lot. remember that you care about each other, and/or that you’re both humans sharing this planet, and that we need each other to survive. connect your daily life and daily relationship practices with your beliefs in social justice, mutual aid, anticapitalism, marxism, etc. When the zombie apocalypse comes (or we bring it about?) we will need skills for getting along with each other and being able to work together even after we hook up. Start practicing now.

15. If you find you are paralyzed with feelings of guilt and  resentment (sample script: “I feel guilty, but I shouldn’t feel this guilty because i didn’t do anything, well maybe i did something small, but it’s not worth feeling this guilty, and I feel guilty because she’s upset even though I didn’t do anything, so it’s her fault I feel guilty, so since she made me feel guilty unfairly, I don’t have to deal with this!), notice the internal script, and check it. Your feelings of guilt may be completely useless and completely out of proportion to the situation.

If they prevent you from being responsive and accountable, they cause more harm than good. Learn to recognize the difference between internal feelings of guilt or shame, and the external messages you are receiving or reality you are observing. Practice this skill in general in your life to be a more responsive radical; the same skill at working through inherited guilt scripts to become responsive, that makes you a better lover and friend to your exes, also makes you more responsive to the violence of colonization, and other structural violence in which most of us are complicit.

16. If you find yourself disregarding something she is saying because she is upset as she is saying it, notice that this is sexism. You may have been raised to believe emotion is not rational and is therefore not legitimate. That is for you to unlearn, not for you to impose on others. Emotion and intuition, when finely honed, serve clear thinking. Don’t retreat into your head or use logic to disconnect from empathy when you find emotions coming your way; clear thinking is informed by ethics and compassion. Build up your capacity to feel and to respond to feelings in a rational, intuitive, self-aware way. You’ll be more human for it, and a better feminist, too.

17. Sometimes being wrong is a gift. be grateful for your mistakes and for the interdependence that lets you maintain relationships through them. Feel proud of your strength to be able to say “I messed that up. I’m very sorry. I’d like to not make that mistake again. How do I make things better?” and then to be able to follow through in your actions.

18. The benefits? other than ‘integrity’ and creating a better world and movement, the personal benefits of walking the walk include deeper friendships with those strong feminist women you find yourself attracted to, after the hooking up ends.

Benefits may also include creating more spaces where kind, gentle, intuitive people – who may be the same people as those strong feminist women you like so much – can be themselves and open up to you.

Practicing consent, which includes the ability to work with emotions during and after a hookup or a relationship ends, creates more shelters, more places from which our movements can heal, ground, and resist from a place of strength. It calls into question received forms of masculinity that shut down parts of men from the time they are young. It is good solidarity. And it just may open your heart.